GloKidds_Forums

[GloKidd]

The other day I was browsing the Telltale forums and noticed This Thread by a buddy of mine Max Wawer (One of the only guys on my Wii Friends list, in fact most contacts i have are from through the Telltale and mojo sites ) specificicly This Post By IronCladChicken. As soon as i read it i couldnt stop laughing, and since then ive been looking all over for more Jack Handy quotes

Fortunately this wasnt to hard as SNL has archived them all

Heres Some good ones:

If aliens from outerspace ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this isn't really our civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come back in 20 years to see our real civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming up with an impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as they're waving goodbye
~Jack Handy

If I was a doctor operating on a patient, and he died on me, and his spirit was hovering above his own body, looking down on it, I would take out a hundred dollar bill, flash it at the spirit, and then stuff it in the hand of the dead body. This would coax the spirit to return to his body. If that didn't work, I'd put the body's hand on the breast of a nurse. That oughta do it. In any case, I'd take the hundred dollar bill back before he woke up.
~Jack Handy

I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head, and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
~Homer- oops I mean Jack Handy

For those who dont know, The Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy segments were short text and voice sketches used as filler on Saturday Night Live from 1990 to 1998.